Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank
by Christina B
Summary: Teenage Jedi Padawan Jorya Lank shares her story of love, grief, and comedy during the times of the dangerous Clone Wars. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the SW universe. However, Jorya and her Master are my own creations.

AN: I'm writing this story for the Dear Diary Challenge over at the JC Forums. Basically this is going to span a year for both me and my character. Jorya is a teenager in this (17) and so she is going to sound like a teenager. I hope you enjoy!

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 1**

Dear Diary,

Is it just me or does it sound strange to name and address an inanimate object? Oh well…moving on.

I really don't know the proper way to start these things, so I guess I'll introduce myself. I know that sounds silly as you are nothing but a datapad, but I will do it all the same. My name is Jorya Lank and I'm a Jedi…Ok so that wasn't entirely accurate. I'm not a true Jedi, but I am a Padawan learning to become one.

Why am I starting a diary you may ask (despite the fact this datapad has no questions, nor is anyone EVER going to read it)? Simply for the fact that we are in the middle of a war and if I survive it I might be crazy enough to want to remember it. Anyway I'm also a teenage girl and there are certain things I might want to rant—err meditate about.

I've lived at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant my entire life and I honestly can't remember the name of my homeworld. I've never been the most _outstanding _Jedi ever; ok fine…I'm a klutz! Just because I'm ran into Master Yoda twice doesn't mean everyone has to call me a "walking disaster". On top of that I'm the shortest human in my year at the Temple. So everytime I had some form of mishap I just said that I'm "vertically challenged". And everyone bought it…Until I ran into Master Yoda.

I'm very grateful that I have the opportunity to become a Jedi, after all most of the galaxy will never get to use the Force or bear a lightsaber. Then again maybe they are the fortunate ones, for being a Jedi is probably the most complicated life there is. For the longest time I was sure that I would be sent to the Agricorps, but fortunately Master Ellia Taske took me as her apprentice.

It's been four years since then, and I'm now seventeen. It really doesn't feel like it's been that long. I blame it on this silly war. It really feels like it's going to go on forever! I'm sick of seeing all the bloodshed, all the combat, and the missions Jedi have now. There was a time when we were peacemakers and negotiators primarily, but now we are war generals and the Republic's only hope. I'm hoping it will end soon, but those Separatist won't see reason.

Well I just heard my comlink beep at me and it looks like Master Taske and I have an appointment with the Council. Time for yet another battle I'm sure, oh boy! rolls eyes

AN: There you have it entry one. I hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Ramblings: The Diary of ****Jorya**** Lank**

**Entry 2**

Dear Diary,

I feel like tearing the hair out of my head right now, literally. I know that to be a Jedi I must accept any annoyance and let it go. But seriously, how much is one girl supposed to be able to handle? I need to get this off my chest, so I will start from the beginning.

A week ago, (actually the day I started this diary) my Master and I went to report to the Jedi Council. And with my luck, or rather lack thereof it was unfortunately bad news.

So Master Windu explained that there was a small conflict that needed to be handled promptly. As I recall it had something to do with some argument between Jawas and moisture farmers on Tatooine, a minor task compared to everything else we've been doing lately. Then Master Windu said that only one Jedi Knight was required, after which he gave me one of those piercing stares he's so famous for.

"So Jorya is to stay here?" Master Ellia asked.

"A task in mind we have for your Padawan," Master Yoda replied.

At this point I was horrified wondering what chores the Council might have for me. No doubt Yoda would want me to perform some task that would yet again prove how uncoordinated I am. As worried as I was I had no clue what they really wanted me to do. And honestly, I should've run out of the room screaming. Instead I just stood there like a good little naïve Padawan.

"Lacking an attendant in the crèche we are. Want we do for you to fill in until your Master returns," Master Yoda said.

Seriously, jumping into a gundark's nest would've been safer than the job that was assigned to me. But how can one deny a request from the Council? Especially when your Master is standing right next to you.

So the next morning after I'd said goodbye to Master Ellia, I regretfully reported for crèche duty. A harried Crèche Master gave me a list of the initiates I was to care for (7 toddlers and 3 infants) and another detailed list describing the daily itinerary.

I knew instantly that it was going to be a very long day and stuff went wrong from the very beginning. As I was distracted (cleaning a baby's smelly diaper), some little boy ran up and snatched the lightsaber from my belt.

I quickly finished with the diaper and turned to the little boy. He was studying the lightsaber curiously and I was terrified that he was going to turn it on and behead himself. "Almir," I said, remembering his name. "Can I have that back?"

The boy only pulled it close to his chest and shouted. "MINE!"

"It's not yours," I said trying to be patient with the little thief. "Give it back."

"NO!" the boy pouted, moving away from me.

I decided to try a different tactic. "Almir do you want to be a Jedi?"

The child nodded vigorously.

"I am a Jedi," I said. "And one thing I learned is that Jedi never take what don't belong to them."

As I predicted the child looked guilty, and then handed me my saber. "Don't want it," Almir explained.

"I know you didn't," I said, putting my saber away. Is it un Jedilike to enjoy using reverse psychology on a 2 year old?

Unfortunately the other kids heard me say that I was a Jedi, so I was in turn interrogated. They all wanted me to use the Force and I had to give a demonstration to keep them happy. The rest of the questions were rather annoying, I would explain something very clearly and some kid would then ask "Why?"

The rest of last week and the start of this one have been irritating and that's putting it mild. I've been punched, kicked, bit, scratched, puked on, and screamed at. I even gave myself a concussion when the box I was reaching for fell off a shelf and bonked me on the head.

To top it all of, this diary mysterious disappeared from my bag days ago and I only recovered it hours ago. The kid who stole it was actually trying to eat my datapad, go figure.

All in all it's been a trying week. I hate to say this but I would rather be fighting in another battle then deal with those little monsters again. Oh well, at least my Master should be back soon. Well I'll write more later. Hopefully then I'll have something interesting to say.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you so much for your kind words Princess Geia, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Ram****blings: The Diary of ****Jorya**** Lank**

**Entry 3**

Dear Diary,

Looking at my latest entry, I realize that everything I complained about really wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. At least when it is compared to last week. There was absolutely no time to write in this then because of the crazy events that kept occurring. Well Diary, get ready for one crazy story.

I was told that I was to report to the crèche again (at this point I have no doubt that the Council is out to get me), but at least this time I wasn't alone. Another Padawan by the name Teran Sarr had the misfortune to be put in the same ward I was in. I was honestly pleased to have some help though the Crèche Master did give us another five children to contend with.

Teran really seemed uneasy around little kids (even more than I was). The first thing he said to me was. "Uh…so what are we supposed to do?" And he had the most pathetic look on his face that I couldn't help but giggle. Then I patiently showed him the youngling's itinerary and he was of course totally confused. At this point I was growing very concerned for what was to come next…And with very good reason.

So Teran and I were responsible 15 younglings altogether and neither of us were very adept at taking care of them. For the first hour we chased them around, changed smelly diapers, "attempted" to potty train one very stubborn Bith, put the same 4 children in time out 3 times each and finally were able to put them all down for a nap. I was shocked to see that they actually fell asleep though I should've known it was the calm before the storm.

While they were sleeping I finally had the opportunity to speak with Teran. He's Padawan to Master Joti Kain and is 2 years older than me which is why I've never met him before. He's human with dark brown hair and eyes and is at least a foot taller than me and very muscular. He's actually on the verge of becoming a Knight and is also waiting for his master to return from a solo mission.

The more I talked to him, the more I liked Teran and over the past week we've become fast friends. It's not surprising seeing all the adversity we faced together. You might be wondering what it was (despite the fact that you are STILL an inanimate object), so here it goes.

On our second day attending the younglings, 2 of them got sick with some kind of flu virus. The following day, 5 more got it and before long our crèche ward had become a sick bay. One of the Crèche Masters came in to join us, but it didn't help much. When kids are sick they cry most of the time and it was incredibly aggravating though I did feel bad for them.

The rest of the slowly descended from bad to worse as Teran also got the flu and every other child got it too. The only good thing was that once it ran its course they would all be better, but it certainly took long enough! Then if things weren't bad enough I got sick too.

For the last two days I could hold down any solid foods and I was running a high fever most of the time. When I did finally rejoin the land of the living there was a WONDERFUL surprise for me. Master Ellia finally contacted me!

She said that her mission on Tatooine was a complete success and she has been sent on a another mission. And the best part is that I'm to meet her there! So I'm off to Boz Pity where the Republic is besieging a Separatist fortress (oh goody!). I'm very relieved to be going because it will be so nice to feel like a Jedi again, but at the same time I know that I will be missing the kids soon enough. Well I'll write more later!


	4. Chapter 4

**Ramblings: The Diary of ****Jorya**** Lank**

**Entry 4**

Dear Diary,

I have been on Boz Pity for nearly a week now, and to be quite honest I'm already eager to leave this place. It's a dry desolate planet covered with many strange rocks that are supposedly the graves of some large extinct species. Which is why Boz Pity is called the graveyard planet, oh joy!

The one good thing is that I've reunited with Master Ellia. I briefly told her about my "fun" in the crèche before we had to get down to work. We've been busy patrolling the Separatist fortress as we prepare for the upcoming battle. Besides myself and Master Ellia, there are several other Jedi including five Council members, and thousands of clonetroopers.

There is also a Republic blockade above the planet, stopping then from shipping and goods or battle droids. The Separatists will eventually be forced to fight us; the only thing is that none of us know exactly when that will be. I must be ready at any moment for if I am caught off guard then it could very well be my last one.

There is one other reason to be concerned. There are reports that General Grievous and Count Dooku are here. Both are incredibly dangerous and have taken the lives of several Jedi in this war. People say that General Grievous is a machine with one goal: to rid the world of Jedi. This is kind of ironic if you think about because he serves Count Dooku; who was once a Jedi.

I don't understand how Count Dooku could totally turn his back on the Jedi and fall to the Dark Side. I was told that he was once a brilliant Jedi Master, on the Council even before he left. It shows how all of us can fall unless we listen to the Code. If only it wasn't so hard to follow at times.

My Mater is calling me now, so I must conclude this now. I hope I will return to write more later.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: It seems I accidently put the wrong chapter here, just goes to show what happens when you update several stories at once. Well here is the right chapter, hope you like it!

**Ramblings: The Diary of ****Jorya**** Lank**

**Entry 5**

Dear Diary,

The war still hasn't begun, but I'm beginning to worry. The Force is telling me that something's not right, and that it won't be long before tragedy strikes. I've told my master this and she agrees with me. She also said that I should dwell on the what ifs but rather concentrating on the present. Which is something that I don't always do.

Another reason for my concern is that I had a dream last night. Well I suppose it would be better to classify it as a nightmare. In it I saw a Star Destroyer crashing into Boz Pity during a great battle. It concerns me because I feel that it might be a prediction of the future, but I don't want to jump to any conclusions.

Just in the last week, however, I've not had much time to think and ponder these strange dreams or the warnings of the Force. There are several refugees here and we've had to keep watch over them. It's such an incredibly sad scene seeing all these mothers comforting their children and wiping their tears, when at the same time they are working hard to hold in their own emotions.

They will soon be escorted off the planet, but it will just take some time for the ships to arrive. At the same time the blockade is efficiently cutting off all communications off and on system making it harder for the people who have been out of contact with a loved one in a long time. It just makes me realize how lucky I am to be a Jedi, I'm trained to release worry and sorrow into the Force. They can't do that.

I vaguely wonder about my own family. I know that my parents and my two younger sisters are living on Corellia, but honestly I don't even remember what they look like. At times I feel incredibly sad to never know those who gave me life, at the same time I would've never wanted a life as anything other than a Jedi. I live a life full of contradictions and it's not going to change anytime soon.

I will write more later, it's time for me to make my rounds with Master Ellia.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 6**

Dear Diary,

I hate to say this but…the War has begun! It all began four days ago when there was a surprise Separatist attack without warning during the middle of the night. It seems that they learned about refugees here who still haven't been escorted off system. They knew that we would do all in our power to protect the innocent civilians, and they used it to their advantage.

After that first skirmish we lost nearly a third of the clonetroopers and a hundred of the refugees were killed. Tragically Master Adi Gallia was killed as well by none other than General Grievous. Master Windu saw it happen; and has impressed upon us all to avoid the droid general at all costs. If we do encounter him in a battle chances are good that we won't survive the ordeal. And I definitely wouldn't want my lightsaber added to his collection.

The death of Master Gallia has certainly unnerved me. If a master who serves on the High Council can be killed so easily then what does that mean for the rest of us. Granted Grievous is a cold blooded killer who has taken the lives of more than one gift Jedi, but can he be stopped? All of us hope that he will be killed someday, but it's beginning to look like he is unstoppable.

Snap out of it Jorya! I'm really such a negative person by nature, and I know that won't help me in the long run. I may be a klutz, and I may be a stressed out teenage girl, but I'm also a Jedi. If I do end up dying it will be for the Republic and for the Jedi ideals of peace and justice. I've trained my whole life for moments like these where I jump in the line of fire and this is no different.

Evening is drawing near and my time is growing short. By unspoken agreement we only fight by night and rest during the day. I do not know how long this will last, but it at least gives us somewhat of a heads up. It won't be long before I join Master Ellia's side once more and hopefully this won't be my last entry. I will write more later if I can.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 7**

Dear Diary,

I bet you were wondering if I would ever write again (despite the fact that you are an

emotionless, uncomprehending datapad), but I'm back and I almost wasn't. The Force WASN'T with me last week at all and my klutz factor decided to pop up again to my dismay.

Last week started off pretty much like the week before it, and I was constantly fighting those completely irritating battle droids. Sure they're easy to kill with a lightsaber, but not when there are thousands of them shoot at once believe me. So my Master and I were dismembering battle droids left and right when we heard a disturbance up ahead. It was so much that even the droids were startled.

It was General Grievous, I finally saw the ugly sucker. He looks like some kind of strange animal only he's mostly comprised of metal. Not longer after I saw exactly why most Jedi fear him. Soon Baytes confronted him immediately, and Grievous ignited TWO lightsabers to fight him, and I saw at least two more hanging at his side.

Master Baytes didn't stand a chance. In all too short a time Grievous grabbed hold of his head and….Well it got rather gory. Master Ellia motioned for me to retreat and I followed her, deflecting fire as I went. Neither of us wanted to end up like Soon.

So I ran backwards deflected fire as I went. And suddenly my foot twisted when I stepped into a hole in the ground. I honestly thought I broke it. And before my Master could come to me or I could get my foot out of the hole, one of those irritating battle droids shoots me in the shoulder. It made the sprain almost feel good.

I recall my Master pulling me up and helping me along, but them I blacked out. I only just woke up a few days ago. It seems that I lost quite a bit of blood from my shoulder injury and they said that I almost died. Definitely a scary thought. If it wasn't for Master Ellia I would've been killed; she saved my life.

It's weird to think that I almost joined the hundreds of Jedi who died in the Clone Wars and I know that I'm very fortunate. To have such a caring Master looking out for me is wonderful and I hope that someday I can repay the favor.

I still have a few more days of recovery here in this small med tent, but soon I will be rejoining the conflict. In the meantime I think I'll take a nap, and so I'll write more later.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Thanks to PrincessGeia for her wonderful reviews.

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 8**

Dear Diary,

I would like to say that this battle is FINALLY over, but it's definitely not over yet. I've healed quickly since my little mishap, and I'm back to my regular duties as a Jedi padawan. Which during the Clone Wars is pretty much making sure you don't get hit with a stray blaster bolt. But I've already survived that once, and I don't think I could be that lucky again.

Because of my injury, Master Ellia and I were not aboard the Star Destroyer Intervention when it just crash landed here. Master Windu and several other Jedi were aboard the ship when it crashed, including Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker.

To be quite honest I wasn't surprised in the least to learn that Anakin was the one who "landed" the Intervention. Anakin was in one of my classes when he first arrived at the Temple shockingly late, but it wasn't long before he left the rest of us in his wake. Since the war began he and his Master have become HoloNet heroes and Anakin's prowess in the air is unmatched.

Not that I'm bitter, but being a Jedi is too easy for him. He doesn't seem to deal with the troubles that most of us face; ok that I face everyday. Sometimes I just wonder why I continue to pursue the life of a Jedi when it is such a constant challenge, and it doesn't make one feel good when someone else enters late and becomes such a phenomenal Jedi in such a short time.

So my datapad friend, I'm sure you're wondering what happened when the Intervention crashed since I of course got started on my little tangent. After the ship crashed the Jedi onboard were all uninjured, and went to face off General Grievous' forces. We likewise were caught in the fight and that is what I've been doing day and night for the past week.

I haven't slept in days and if it wasn't for Jedi hibernation techniques I would have long ago fallen asleep. My arms are incredibly sore from the constant fight, despite the fact that my blade is so light. I've eaten nothing but protein pellets and I have to force myself to eat even when standing on the battlefields in the midst of so much death and dying.

At this moment there is a slight lull in the fighting and my Master sent me to one of the medical tents to get a short rest. I don't like being parted from her, but Master Ellia was adamant. And then when I tried to go to sleep, the sounds of the battle wouldn't let me sleep. So I'm writing in this diary once again, if only for the ability to be able to vent a little bit. Now that I have, perhaps I can meditate.

I will write more later, and hopefully by then the battle of Boz Pity will be over. A girl can dream right?


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Well I finally have another update, thanks to my lovely readers for being so paint with me. I hope you enjoy it!

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 9**

Dear Diary,

Surprises never end I tell you! The battle is over! After being on this dry and inhospitable planet for nearly 2 months I'm finally going to leave it. I can't help being thrilled to leave though my master has already warned me that we are heading next to another system in the Outer Rim where a battle is going on.

The battle here started to turn in our favor as soon as Master Quinlan Vos showed up. He took over the Clone troops and his battle strategies worked. As for Masters Windu and Kenobi, they were in the base itself looking for Grievous. Though I think they were also hunting for Asajj Ventress, but that's mostly just a rumor.

The droid force was decimated in a hurry and the remaining Separatist force ended up having no choice but surrendering. As for Grievous, he pulled a fast one and escaped before he had the chance to be captured. Fierce as the cyborg is; he's certainly a wimp.

After the Republic victory, Master Ellia and I stayed for a little longer to supervise the refugees return. It was a special moment to see these terrified, worried and utterly lost people smile for a change. I may only be a padawan and not a Jedi Knight yet, but this did not stop grateful mothers and their families from thanking me.

I found this flattering, but utterly surprising. That people would thank me when I wasn't the one who deserves credit for winning the war. Sure I did my part, but for a good deal of it I was out of commission too. Perhaps they were thanking me for doing my duty, but I would've done it regardless. The Jedi way is such a risk for anyone, but I couldn't imagine leading any other life.

As I grow older I realize that what I know and what I will know are sometimes two completely different things. With each passing day I learn new things that effect the person I will be years for now. I think that my brush with death was one of those moments as hearing the refugee's gratitude was another one of these moments. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I trust that the Force will lead me on the right path.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 10**

Dear Diary,

Every day has blended into the next as I continue to fight in this long and terrible war. Ever since Boz Pity Master Ellia and I have been shoved from planet to planet. I've begun to stop caring about what planet we are going to, and just want to get it over with. My Master has reminded me again and again about the importance of what we are doing and that all wars pass in time. I believe her and I know that what she says is true, but there are times when it's all I can do to not lose hope.

I thought that after Boz Pity I have seen the worst this war has to offer, but I was gravely wrong. Sometimes at night I just feel like breaking down and crying, but I always stop myself. If I were to begin to cry, I'm afraid it wouldn't stop. The Force gives me so much in my life and it has taken me so far in my life, but I have to wonder…Where is it leading me?

Yesterday we landed on Ord Radama, yet another Separatist stronghold. And ever since we came here the fighting began instantly. As this world is nearly covered with cities, civillian casualties have been great. And I hate admitting that our Republic force has done some of the killing; it's not right that people should die just because their planet fell to the opposing side.

I do have to admit that ever since we landed here I've been on edge. I feel a great disturbance in the Force and it has made me jumpy. Master Ellia has noticed this and has reminded me time and again to focus on the present because distractions on the future can be dangerous. I take this in stride, but I know something bad is going to happen. The only question is when.

I am glad I've had the opportunity to write in this journal today because I have too little time for reflection these days. Years later when this war is over I know I will be glad to have some record of my experience, but for now it is one small comfort in my life. I will write more later when I have a chance.


	11. Chapter 11

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 11**

Dear Diary,

For weeks now I've been trying my hardest to write in this journal, but every time I tried I couldn't bring myself to do it. Life has dealt me a harsh blow and getting through it is harder than I have ever known. Master Ellia died on Ord Radama, and it's been a struggle coping with it ever since.

The entire time we were on that planet I had a feeling that something incredibly horrible was going to happen, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was an eerie sort of place and I hoped this battle would end much sooner than that one on Boz Pity did.

Master Ellia and I heard of a group of trapped civilians on the Separatist side and we decided to sneak behind their line and escort them to safety. It was a dangerous mission, but no more than any other one we've encountered during this war. Unfortunately for us, it was a very well laid trap.

As soon as we entered we saw two civilians alright, but they had matching pairs of stun cuffs. We knew instantly that it was a trap and so we went into action as we were suddenly ambushed by a large number of battle droids and one of the feared droidekas. Master Ellia was stunning and she managed to take half the droids out in a single minute.

Then working together we eliminated the rest until we got to the droideka. It was relentless and kept firing at us. That was when IT happened. The droid decided that instead of shooting us it would go for the cuffed people. Master Ellia was closer than I was; she lunged in front of the people just as a bolt hit her square in the chest.

Everything seemed to slow down and I just watched utterly speechless as Master Ellia fell to her knees and dropped her lightsaber. The civilians were saved at such a great cost. I honestly don't know how I managed to ruin the shield of the droideka or how I managed to destroy it. All I remember next was rushing to my Master's side.

She looked at me and smiled, then opened her mouth as if to speak. But she never would again, and she died in my arms. I was shock and I couldn't function, never have I been dealt a more numbing blow. Republic forces soon came and I followed my Master's body to the ship.

The funeral was yesterday, and it was horrible. All the wise Jedi Masters said how she was at one with the Force now and how I should rejoice for her life and not mourn. I know it's right, but I need to cope in my own way. So many times I remember passing my fellow padawans who've lost their masters, but I never imagine it would happen to me.

I've always wanted to be a Jedi Knight, but I know now that is one dream that will never come true. Master Ellia believed in me when everyone else was skeptical about my abilities. She was 

the greatest mentor I could've had, and my best friend. I've been told since the moment I could walk and talk that the Force would never leave me, but I think they are sorely mistaken.

I will write more when I can.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: I apologize for the lateness of this update, life has been kicking my butt lately. Thank you for your patience and I hope you like this. There are just two more chapters and they will be coming soon.

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 12**

Dear Diary,

Things haven't improved much since the last time I wrote. Every day is painful still and the emptiness of having lost the most important person in my life hasn't dissipated. Everything feels just as fresh as the day she died. And at night the images of that fateful day haunt me, no matter how many times I medidate.

One good thing has happened though. My friend from the Creche, Teran is also in the Temple and today we had a nice long conversation. He, like myself has lost his master. Teran has already been able to find peace in his master's death whereas I'm still fighting the pain daily.

He suggested that we spar together in one of the practice chambers, but I was afraid I had to decline. I know he was just trying to help me take my mind off what happened, but I can't bear to think of practicing lightsaber katas when I'm constantly reminded of the moment at which everything I learned from my dear master, failed her and myself.

There is one small thing that gives me some hope for the future and that is the tales of victory at the hands of Master Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. I know they are no doubt exaggerated somewhat, but the truth of the matter is that they have helped the Republic greatly as well as raise the morale of Jedi and clonetroopers.

General Kenobi is called The Negotiator because of his ability to talk sense to arguing factions (I've even witnessed his skill with words before) and Anakin is called the Hero With No Fear. I know he must have some fear, because all Jedi do, but he has appears to get over it very quickly in order to save the day. All the Padawans, myself included look to them for inspiration at such a desolate moment as this. I just worry sometimes that it may all be for nothing.


	13. Chapter 13

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 13**

Dear Diary,

I can't believe it's already been a month since my last update in my diary. I feel almost as if it was yesterday that I last wrote, but so much has occurred since then. The war is still in full force unfortunately, but as always I'm doing my best to stay hopeful. I'm taking advantage of the time I get to remain in peace at the Temple, not even through the Force do I or any Jedi know when and if the war will eventually reach Coruscant.

For the first time in my life meditation has been easier to achieve for me lately. I suppose part of that is due to the fact that I haven't spent this much time in the Temple since I was still an Initiate and then I didn't really have patience for meditation. Master Ellia had always stressed to me the importance of it, but I never quite understood until after her passing.

Through my meditations I've finally been able to cope with my loss and accept that life must go on. Teran has helped me a great deal as we've become fast friends. He always seems to have a warm smile for me, and his keen wit makes sparring with him always a blast. We've spent many hours in quiet places such as the Room of a Thousand Fountains just talking. It doesn't matter what we talk about, but it's such a comfort just to do it.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've actually spent more time working in the Creche and I _ENJOYED_ it. Honestly I don't know what my problem was months ago when I couldn't stand the so called "little monsters" but now I find they always put a smile on my face. I suppose when I first worked in the Creche I was so eager to jump in battle that I forgot the small things in life. Such as a child's smile.

One other thing has given me hope for the future and that is that I'm still working towards my Knighthood despite the fact I have no Master. Master Yoda has start a sort of advanced class for those of us who are orphaned so to speak and he's teaching things about the Force I never imagined. I know it won't be too long before I'll be ready to take the trials. But I'm not going to rush it in the least, I don't want to go back out _there_ until I'm fully ready.


	14. Chapter 14

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 14**

Dear Diary,

I heard rumors today that the battle is drawing closer to Coruscant, but even here in the Jedi Temple we have very few details. I know that our Republic fleet is doing all that it can to ensure that everyone, especially Chancellor Palpatine are kept safe.

Being on this city wide world, it seems bizarre for me to see people on the streets talking about the latest holodrama, or what the newest fashions are; when others fight daily just to survive. This galaxy is full of contradictions, and I'm falling into the trap you see. I'm doing something that is forbidden for Jedi. I'm falling in love.

I have no idea when it started, but the sudden realization and clarity of it shook me. Teran has become an important part of my life in some ways. He is always able to cheer me up, give me advice, and I love his sense of humor. Not to mention the way his dimples show up when he smiles, how his eyes change color in different lighting or his sheer physique.

I know it's wrong to feel this, I should've trained myself better to protect myself from this. Jedi can't fall in love because attachment can lead to the Dark Side. I've known this since childhood yet now, on the brink of my Knighthood, I find the Jedi Code harder to follow than ever before.

I don't know what to do about this problem. I couldn't possibly talk to one of the Masters, because I would definitely be in trouble, and at the same time I can't talk to Tegan. After all, I wouldn't want to lead him astray either. When I meditate I think they are helping me to detach from my feelings for him, but the burst up like a blaze of hot fire the next time I see him.

I don't know what to do about this, but I suppose only time will tell. That and trying to keep myself as busy as possible. I will update this diary later when I've finally figured out what to do.


	15. Chapter 15

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

AN: Since both of these entries are fairly short, I decided to combine them this time. There is just two more chapters after this, I hope you enjoy!

**Entry 15**

Dear Diary,

The battle has finally reached us here on Coruscant. Late last night Chancellor Palpatine was kidnapped by General Grievous and it put this whole world in a panic. I'm not scared, but I'm very concerned about what will happen. Grievous' ship looms in the sky above, but I do know that Republic forces are on the way. It's horrible to think that we were so concerned with the war in the Outer Rim that we didn't notice what was going to happen.

I know the Jedi Masters have a plan, though I'm not sure what it is though there are rumors in the Temple of Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker returning to Coruscant probably on a rescue mission. I just hope they return quickly.

But to be quite honest, the close war hasn't dampened my mood in the least. For you see I'm in love…and he loves me in return. It was by complete accident that we kissed after a rather tiring sparring match. Kissing Teran was and is amazing, and when we part even for a few hours it's painful. My emotions are so wild right now, I'm gleefully happy one minute and depressed the next. For somewhere deep down inside tells me this won't last.

We're constantly worried that we will be caught and be kicked out of the Order for defying the Code, but we almost don't care. Being in love is something neither of us counted on, but we refuse to give it.

**Entry 16**

Dear Diary,

Great news! Chancellor Palpatine has been rescued, Master Kenobi and Skywalker have thwarted Grievous again. He escaped again, but Count Dooku was killed. Anakin Skywalker himself issued the killing blow. Now that Dooku is dead perhaps this terrible war will soon be at an end.

But I have another concern, I'm start taking my trials today and I'm not sure if I'm ready. Don't get me wrong, I still want to be a Jedi Knight with all my being, but I feel as if I'm almost being rushed into this. Jedi Knights are so scarce right now, so I'm not really surprised. I just hope I have what it takes to face my way through the arduous Jedi trials.

At least Teran will be taking the trials as well. We have been helping each other study as soon as we learned the trials were coming so soon. He thinks we'll both pass with flying colors, and I sincerely hope he's right. At this moment I wish for nothing more than to speak to Master Ellia again, I'm sure she would have some great advice for me right about now. Though I'm sure she would also be very disappointed in Teran and I, if she found out about are relationship.

We've still managed to keep it a secret, though there have been a few close calls. Master Yoda himself almost caught us kissing, but I think we were able to hide it. The added stress of hiding our love in the Jedi Temple keeps me up at night, but I still don't regret it. I would've sunk into a severe depression weeks ago if it wasn't for Tegan keeping me grounded. I owe him so much, and I never want to lose him.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: And here is the final installment of Jorya's tale, thank you so much to all who've read and enjoyed this story.

**Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank**

**Entry 17**

I'm proud to say that as of today I'm a Jedi Knight and I couldn't be happier. My knighting came as a big surprise to me actually. Apparently the Council felt that with all I've been through and actually SURVIVING is good enough for me to be Knighted. I get the feeling that if a war wasn't going on and if my Master was still alive then it might still another couple years before my Knighting.

So this is how it happened. I was suddenly called to the Council Chamber without a cause, and when I entered the chamber it was pitch black. Then 12 lightsabers were ignited around the room and at that moment I knew what was happening. I'm afraid I couldn't help but start silently bawling throughout Master Yoda's speech, and when he sheered my braid from my head I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from crying loudly.

Fortunately the Council seemed to understand that I was crying from a mixture of relief, happiness and sadness that Master Ellia wasn't at my side. I had to take a few moments to compose myself, and then Master Yoda finished the ceremony. And now I'm a Jedi Knight, what I've been striving for my entire life. Yet I still feel like a Padawan. I'm feeling so incredibly proud, but in some way I feel like I don't deserve it.

I can't stop looking at my braid. For so long it defined what I was and now that it's gone in some small way I feel as if the remaining innocence I carried is forever gone. I know this is a big part of being a Jedi, and I'm proud to be a Knight, but it's so strange. I know that now my time in the Temple is short, and I'm sure I'll be back on the battlefield in a few weeks or less. The Republic needs all the Jedi Knights it can get. Unless of course, this war ends.

The best part of this all is that Teran was Knighted today as well. We take advantage of every moment we have together and I worry that we may someday be parted forever. But like a Jedi I will do my best to handle this.

**Entry 18**

This will be my last entry. The war is over, and Jedi everywhere are being ruthlessly murdered by the newly formed Empire. So far I've been fortunate to evade capture.

Today Teran and I decided to take a short trip outside to one of Coruscant's few indoor parks for a picnic. We wanted to celebrate our Knighting. And I'm sad to say that while we were picnicking, our world was torn apart. Clonetroopers stormed the Temple and killed every single Jedi. I don't think even the younglings survived. When we saw the smoking Temple from afar, we knew it wouldn't be safe to return.

My family has been utterly destroyed, it seems the Force has tricked us. I feel as though I should've been at the Temple fighting alongside my comrades, but I know I would be killed along with them. I thought I knew what pain was once Master Ellia was taken from me during the war, but that is nothing compared to every Jedi being wiped out simultaneously.

And Palpatine, the man who seemed a beacon of strength for the Republic has now become the sole dictator for the new Empire. He has betrayed us all, and now there is no safe place for a Jedi.

We're being forced (no pun intended) to give up the only life we know and go into hiding. Teran says we'll escape to the Outer Rim somewhere, hopefully this new Empire will not reach that far. And Teran has proposed, we shall be married once we reach our destination. He's the one highlight of this exile. Strange it seems that the relationship I've wanted for so long is now mine to have, but I lost what I didn't think I could ever stand to lose.

So Teran and I have created new identities for ourselves and we have discarded anything that might tie us to the Jedi Order. Including our lightsabers, which was the hardest thing to part with, but I still carry our lightsaber crystals with me.

This datapad is the last thing to go, this is yet one more dangerous thing for me to keep. I hope that if anyone finds this datapad they have a better appreciation of Jedi. Jedi were not perfect beings, (as my diary will attest) but everything we did was done with compassion and mercy. I may longer bear resemblance to a Jedi Knight, but I will ALWAYS be Jedi. The Empire will not take that from me.

I hate parting with this diary, it has been my sounding board for months. I have shed more tears with this little datapad than one can imagine. This year has been wrought with sorrow, but I found my true love. Looking back, I can see just how much I've changed and grown through the years. This diary endured my crèche troubles, suffered though the long battle of Boz Pity with me, and was there when I lost my Master. I feel as if I've lived a whole life in one year. But for me it's not over yet, I will live to remember.

I am and forever will be Jorya Lank, Jedi Knight.


End file.
